1
Boston Legal
Tortured Souls
Season 1, Episode 15

Written by David E. Kelley
© 2005 David E. Kelley Productions. All Rights Reserved.
Broadcast: February 20, 2005
Transcribed by Teddy and edited by Imamess of JSMP for JSMP and Boston-Legal.org
At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, Shirley Schmidt and AlanShore are in her office watching a video of a
man screaming as he’s being beaten up by a policeman.
Policeman: Tell me where he is! Tell me where he is or I’m gonna break your arm! Tell me, or I’ll break your
arm! He twists the man’s arm, breaking it. The man screams even louder and starts wailing in agony.
Alan Shore: ABC's latest reality show?
Shirley Schmidt: That was taken by one of the victim's family members.
Alan Shore: I see. Why go to his aid when you can get the footage. Why am I here, Shirley?
Shirley Schmidt: We represent the police union and accordingly the officer. I need you to second chair me at the
trial.
Alan Shore: Can't do it.
Shirley Schmidt: You don't mean to say that.
Alan Shore: You're right. The word is "won't."
Shirley Schmidt: You have more experience with criminal defense.
Alan Shore: I like my clients to have a modicum of humanity.
Shirley Schmidt: Don't we all? In the meantime…
Alan Shore: I'm not doing it, Shirley. That officer disgusts me. I won't contribute to his freedom.
Shirley Schmidt: I wasn't expecting you to do it for him! Is that what you think, silly? See, I expect you to do it
because this firm pays you $375,000 a year. That's a lot of money, Alan, and we expect you to work for it. Even
when it requires doing things that don't quite agree with you. I expect you to do it because a senior partner is…
oh, no, check that… the senior partner is asking you to do it. I expect you to do it because you so often refer to
lawyers as unprincipled, soulless, whores. Well, for the next few days, I need you to be my whore. And if that so
offends you, I guess you could always quit. But I warn you, you will be missed. For at least all of five minutes.
At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, in the conference room, Chelina Hall is with a client.
Frannie Huber: Ah, where's Mr. Crane?
Chelina Hall: At nine in the morning? He could be many places. Why?
Frannie Huber: Well, will he be present for the settlement conference?
Chelina Hall: He should be. But first...
Frannie Huber: And if it doesn't settle? Will he be trying it?
Chelina Hall: Frannie, let's talk here.
Frannie Huber: Okay.
Chelina Hall: We're going to settle.
Frannie Huber: Uh hum.
Chelina Hall: It must settle. Suing a man for being left at the altar...
Frannie Huber: In front of 300 people.
Chelina Hall: Courts don't like to get involved with breakups. Not to discount your pain, which I'm sure is real.
We are looking at the very real possibility of a directed verdict against us. In light of that, my recommendation is
that you accept the offer.
Frannie Huber: Uh, for $175,000?
Chelina Hall: Yes.
Frannie Huber: Oh...no. Um, Denny Crane promised me more. Heh, heh.
Chelina Hall: How much did he promise you, Frannie?
Frannie Huber: Five million.
At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, in Alan’s office, Denny Crane is reading the paper as Alan is pacing the
floor.
Alan Shore: Maybe I should quit. This woman has no idea of who or what I am.
Denny Crane: Lighten up, man.
Alan Shore: First of all, the idea of giving representation to that thug...
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Denny Crane: Alan, come on. We hate all our clients. It's good to hate. It allows us to overcharge and still sleep
at night.
Alan Shore: I thought her gamesmanship would at least be more nuanced.
Shirley Schmidt: She comes in. Alan? I'm sorry for becoming abrupt last night. The simple fact is I need you.
It's a difficult case. Also, for what it's worth, I've been known to get contentious with men I unconsciously want to
bed. I can't possibly imagine wanting to have sex with you, but then again, I did sleep with Denny. Ah, we should
go. The trial starts at ten o’clock. She leaves.
Alan Shore: I will do the case. Sit by her side. For no other reason than to solve her.
Catherine Piper: She comes in. Alan! I'm sorry. The midget is back.
Alan Shore: I beg your pardon?
Catherine Piper: The little man. He's here!
Bernard Ferrion: He comes in. Alan!
Alan Shore: Good gracious! Who have you killed now?
Bernard Ferrion: That question is extremely hurtful.
Alan Shore: Why are you here, Bernard?
Bernard Ferrion: Well, uh, I just dropped by to say hello. I was in the neighborhood. Uhm. How are you?
Alan Shore: Bernie, I'm due in court. I don't have time to talk to you now. State your business, if you have any,
with Catherine, and I'll call you back. He leaves.
Denny Crane: Um. Forgive me. I'm uncomfortable around little people. He brushes past Bernie and leaves.
Catherine Piper: Let me ask you, Bernie. Have you ever thought about finding God? Bernie is at loss for
words. Can we talk a second?
At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, in the conference room. Chelina is there.
Denny Crane: He comes in and sits down. Lock and load. He notices he and Chelina are alone. Where's the
client?
Chelina Hall: I sent her home. She doesn't need to be here for this.
Denny Crane: He gets up to leave. For God's sake.
Chelina Hall: Mr. Crane, did you tell the client we could get her five million dollars?
Denny Crane: I might've. So?
Chelina Hall: Case values out in the low six figures. That's assuming it doesn't get tossed out on public policy
grounds.
Denny Crane: Listen, young lady. First rule of thumb in practicing law, always, always promise the client millions
and millions of dollars. It's good business.
Chelina Hall: And when it comes time to making good on such a ridiculous claim?
Donny Crane: He comes in. Donny Crane! Denny and Chelina are both stunned. Donny Crane. You
remember me? We used to be father and son. Nice to see you.
Chelina Hall: Where's Michael Gendler?
Donny Crane: I'm appearing as the defendant's new counsel. That $175,000 is off the table. By the by, way too
high. We'll go to $50,000. Donny Crane.
Chelina Hall: That's rejected.
Donny Crane: Whoa! No counter?
Chelina Hall: Three-fifty.
Donny Crane: Double whoa! Wow! Guess that means a trial, huh? Cool! More experience for me. Donny Crane.
Denny Crane: Denny Crane.
Donny Crane: Donny Crane.
Denny Crane: You got on this case specifically 'cause I'm on it.
Donny Crane: I did.
Denny Crane: You wanna get me.
Donny Crane: I do.
Denny Crane: I love it! Denny Crane.
Donny Crane: Donny Crane.
Denny Crane: Denny Crane.
Donny Crane: Donny Crane.
Denny Crane: Denny Crane.
Donny Crane: Donny Crane.
In Judge Dale Mellman’s Courtroom, Officer Joe Garrett is on the stand.
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Officer Joe Garrett: We had received a tip that the suspect, Damon Harris, was visiting his brother Paul. So we
went to the brother's house.
A.D.A. Nicholas Preston: And did you find the suspect?
Alan Shore: Excuse me. I'm new to this case as is the jury of course. To help us track the facts, I was wondering
if you could refer to him as the kidnapping suspect so we're clear that we're talking about the man who snatched
a six-year-old child. The boy sitting right over here.
A.D.A. Nicholas Preston: Was the kidnapping suspect there, Officer?
Officer Joe Garrett: No.
A.D.A. Nicholas Preston: The brother was there?
Officer Joe Garrett: Yes.
A.D.A. Nicholas Preston: Could you tell us what happened?
Officer Joe Garrett: Well, we searched the premises. Uh, couldn't find the kidnapping suspect. We asked the
brother if he knew his whereabouts. He claimed he did not.
A.D.A. Nicholas Preston: And then what happened?
Officer Joe Garrett: What happened is basically what you saw on the tape. My partner began to interrogate the
brother. More coercively.
A.D.A. Nicholas Preston: At any time was the victim of this attack considered a suspect himself in the
kidnapping?
Officer Joe Garrett: No.
A.D.A. Nicholas Preston: You never considered him connected to the crime?
Officer Joe Garrett: No.
Shirley Schmidt: As Mr. Shore noted, you were trying to find the six-year-old boy seated over here?
Officer Joe Garrett: Yes.
Shirley Schmidt: He was kidnapped how long before this incident?
Officer Joe Garrett: The day before.
Shirley Schmidt: As time goes by what are the chances of finding a kidnapped child alive?
Officer Joe Garrett: After 48 hours, we consider it extremely remote.
Shirley Schmidt: In fact, the kidnapper we're talking about is suspected in the kidnapping of another boy,
correct?
Officer Joe Garrett: Yes.
Shirley Schmidt: Did you every find that boy?
Officer Joe Garrett: We found his remains.
Shirley Schmidt: While my client was committing his coercive acts against the brother, what did you do?
Officer Joe Garrett: I stood back.
Shirley Schmidt: You never intervened?
Officer Joe Garrett: No.
Shirley Schmidt: Did you report it?
Officer Joe Garrett: Not at first. Uh, eventually.
Shirley Schmidt: By the way, as a result of my client's physical coercive acts, did the brother tell you anything?
Officer Joe Garrett: He gave us a list of places his brother would frequent.
Shirley Schmidt: And did you search those places?
Officer Joe Garrett: Yes.
Shirley Schmidt: And?
Officer Joe Garrett: We found the suspect. And the child.
At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, Catherine is in her office with Bernie.
Catherine Piper: All I'm saying is if you killed two people and if you're as alone as you say, there couldn't be a
better time for you to turn to Jesus Christ, your Savior.
Bernard Ferrion: Under normal circumstances I'd agree.
Catherine Piper: But?
Bernard Ferrion: I'm Jewish.
Catherine Piper: Bernie, there has never ever been a Jewish serial killer.
Bernard Ferrion: Son of Sam? David Berkowitz?
Catherine Piper: He was adopted. Genetically, he's one of ours.
Bernard Ferrion: Well, what are you saying?
Catherine Piper: I am saying that if you're out there murdering people, on some level, you must want to be
Christian. Would you let me take you to church?
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At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, Denny is in his office. Donny is with him.
Denny Crane: Gotta admire your guts. Take a piece of the old man. There's a fire in the belly!
Donny Crane: Yeah, you're an old man. Just not mine. Remember?
Denny Crane: Yeah. Things is, I like you. Actually, I love you. That's a difficult thing for Denny Crane to say.
Unless it's part of foreplay. I love ya', Donny. And I'm concerned that you go up against me in a court of law,
you'll...I might as well just come out and say it: I can't be beat.
Donny Crane: Really?
Denny Crane: Never lost. Never will.
Donny Crane: I beat you in the salmon case.
Denny Crane: You beat Brad Chase. Me? Undefeated.
Donny Crane: I see. Well. How do I put this? I took this case mainly to kick your fat lying ass. I mean that in a
good way. I will beat you.
Denny Crane: No, you won't.
Donny Crane: Yes, I will.
Denny Crane: Won't.
Donny Crane: I Will.
Denny Crane: Won't.
Donny Crane: Will!
Denny Crane: Son.
Donny Crane: Don't call me that.
Denny Crane: I'm going to tell you this one more time with all the humility I can summon up: I'm the greatest trial
attorney that ever lived. You will not beat me. Donny walks out, Chelina walks in. I don't know how much you
just heard. My ass may lie; but it's all muscle.
In Judge Dale Mellman’s Courtroom, Officer Wayne Kirkland is on the stand.
Officer Wayne Kirkland: I knew he knew something. Either where his brother was or where the child was. He
knew something.
Shirley Schmidt: And you were prepared to beat it out of him?
Officer Wayne Kirkland: I was prepared to punch him. To intimidate him. I didn't actually mean to break his arm.
Shirley Schmidt: But Mr. Kirkland, what we saw in the tape?
Officer Wayne Kirkland: There are different rules in kidnappins.
Shirley Schmidt: What do you mean different rules?
Officer Wayne Kirkland: The understanding is we're not supposed to break bones or cause any permanent
injury. But physical discomfiture is permitted. It's okay to, say, dislocate a shoulder. Tear a muscle.
Shirley Schmidt: You're talking about torture. This was an innocent man, he wasn't even the suspected
kidnapper!
Officer Wayne Kirkland: And I'm sorry I hurt him. But I felt he knew where his brother was. I considered this to
be like self-defense or defense of others. I was gonna do whatever I could to save that boy. All I could think
about was my own son.
A.D.A. Nicholas Preston: The end justifies the means?
Officer Wayne Kirkland: I guess I have to say yes to that.
A.D.A. Nicholas Preston: Suppose the suspected kidnapper had confessed to a priest? You'd feel no
compunction about beating up clergy to get your information?
Officer Joe Garrett: I didn't say that.
A.D.A. Nicholas Preston: Well, is there a distinction? An innocent man has information that would lead to the
recovery of a child.
Officer Wayne Kirkland: I guess I felt the victim here wasn't so innocent.
A.D.A. Nicholas Preston: Ah, so we're out there playing judge, too. Policeman, judge, executioner.
Shirley Schmidt: Objection.
Judge Dale Mellman: Sustained.
A.D.A. Nicholas Preston: Who told you it was okay to tear muscles and dislocate shoulders in kidnapping
situations?
Officer Wayne Kirkland: There's no formal directive. Just understood.
A.D.A. Nicholas Preston: Understood by the police who arrested you after you did it?
Officer Wayne Kirkland: I was arrested because the media got a hold of this. That's the only reason I'm here.
A.D.A. Nicholas Preston: How sad is that? You tortured an innocent man with no criminal record whose only
offense was that his fugitive brother stopped at his house. And the only reason you're here is because the media
got a hold of it?
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In Judge Sean Keneally’s courtroom. A videotape of a wedding is playing.
Minister: Do you, Frannie, take Michael to be your lawfully-wedded husband, for here and ever after?
Frannie Huber: I do.
Minister: And do you, Michael, take Frannie to be your lawfully-wedded wife for here and ever after?
Silence.
Frannie Huber: Whispers. Michael?
Minister: Uh, do you, Michael, take Frannie to be your lawfully-wedded wife for here and ever after? No reply.
Michael?
Michael Foster: Ah. I'm sorry, I can't. I just can't.
Frannie starts wailing. Chelina clicks a remote to stop the video.
Frannie Huber: I waited my whole life for this day. My friends, my family, they were all gathered to celebrate the
happiest event in my life. And instead they were witness to such a humiliation. I'm still reeling from it
psychologically.
Chelina Hall: Did you require treatment?
Frannie Huber: Yes, for many, many months. My therapist thinks the trauma is even an inhibitor to my finding
love again.
Chelina Hall: Had he given any indication at all that he was wavering?
Frannie Huber: None. No. Everything was fine. It was more than fine, actually. It was perfect. Until suddenly
um... Well, what you saw. I'm in church with 300 people gathered from all over. He just, um… well, you saw it.
Donny Crane: What are you saying? If he didn't feel committed he should've married you just the same ‘cause
the catering was paid for?
Frannie Huber: If he didn't feel committed, what were we doing up there? I, I was standing in my gown, my
wedding dress.
Donny Crane: But this is love, Frannie. It takes funny, unexpected bounces. We're talking about emotions of the
heart.
Denny Crane: Objection. Sounds like a girly man.
Donny Crane: Move to strike!
Denny Crane: That's better.
Judge Sean Keneally: Mr. Crane!
Donny Crane: Frannie, do you think my client planned for it to go down like this?
Frannie Huber: Do you have any idea what a jolt it was to be left standing in the church, on a day that you've
been planning for a lifetime?
Donny Crane: You see that guy over there? Denny Crane? He pretended to be my father for twenty-five years. I
know a good jolt when I...
Chelina Hall: Objection.
Donny Crane: You lost a fiance. I lost a foundation.
Chelina Hall: Objection!
Judge Sean Keneally: Mr. Crane.
Donny Crane: Emotional wallops are a part of life. You don't go running into court to address them.
Denny Crane: That's exactly what you're doing now.
Donny Crane: You shut up!
Judge Sean Keneally: Counsel!
Donny Crane: I'm sorry. I apologize to the court. Sometimes pain can cause you to lash out. Would you agree
with that, Frannie? If the hurt was deep enough, you'd wanna lash out at the person who caused it. Is it possible
you're doing just a little of that here? Hmm?
Outside the courtroom, Denny walks up to Donny.
Denny Crane: That recovery was so smooth it almost looked planned. But it wasn't. I gotcha.
Donny Crane: You don't got me.
Denny Crane: I do.
Donny Crane: No, you don't.
Denny Crane: Do.
Donny Crane: Don't. Sir? You're opposing counsel. Unless you wanna settle the case...?
Denny Crane: This isn't the point? To settle a score?
Donny Crane: You caused me to believe you were my father for my entire life. You think that score can be
evened up?
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At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, in the corridor, Denny walks up to Chelina.
Denny Crane: Corrina!
Chelina Hall: Chelina.
Denny Crane: I've decided to take the defendant's cross.
Chelina Hall: Mr. Crane, I'm not sure that's a good idea.
Denny Crane: Well, whose idea is it?
Chelina Hall: Yours.
Denny Crane: Well, it must be good.
Chelina Hall: Mr. Crane, do you even know what this case is about?
Denny Crane: About money. They're always about money.
Chelina Hall: I strongly suggest you let me handle this.
Denny Crane: How 'bout...? How, how 'bout...? How 'bout those Patriots!
In Judge Dale Mellman’s Courtroom, Captain Larry McDonald is on the stand.
Captain Larry McDonald: Never, ever, ever did we send the message, directly, indirectly or otherwise, that it is
acceptable procedure to physically coerce suspects or witnesses.
A.D.A. Nicholas Preston: Officer Kirkland says it was understood that with kidnapping cases there’s a different
set of rules.
Captain Larry McDonald: He's mistaken. Our department is to serve and protect the public and that includes
honoring their civil liberties.
A.D.A. Nicholas Preston: So he was acting outside the scope of his authority as a police officer, in your opinion?
Captain Larry McDonald: He was acting outside the scope of the law. He committed a vicious criminal assault. It
was disgraceful. I'm repulsed every time I see that footage.
Shirley Schmidt: That's a funny thing that you mention footage, Captain, because my client wasn't arrested until
that video was aired on the news.
Captain Larry McDonald: We were investigating prior to that broadcast.
Shirley Schmidt: Ah. You were investigating. Tell me, when did first hear about my client's conduct?
Captain Larry McDonald: I can't really recall.
Shirley Schmidt: Maybe I can help out. The, uh, victim made a complaint and filed a written report the day that it
happened. His family members verified it. You had knowledge of my client's disgraceful acts from day one,
didn't you, Captain? And yet, when they recovered the child, you held a press conference singing the praises of
your officers, including Mr. Kirkland. Then when the footage went out over the airways, suddenly, my client's
conduct became disgraceful.
Captain Larry McDonald: We have not ever, and will not ever condone torture.
Shirley Schmidt: Alan Dershowitz recently said that if we had a suspect in custody who knew that a bomb was
about to go off and kill people, torture would be used. Do you disagree with that?
Captain Larry McDonald: We've never had such a ticking-bomb case here so I can’t answer.
Shirley Schmidt: Let's say we're trying to crack a big terrorist case, say the Pan Am jet that went down in
Lockerbie. Was torture used there?
Captain Larry McDonald: You'd have to ask the FBI.
Shirley Schmidt: There were reports, I should say rumors, that electrical devices were attached to the prisoners'
genitalia. Are you familiar...?
A.D.A. Nicholas Preston: Objection.
Judge Dale Mellman: This court is not going to admit rumors, Ms. Schmidt.
Shirley Schmidt: Let me ask you something, Captain. If they were tortured? Do you care?
At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, Alan and Shirley are walking inte corridor.
Alan Shore: I was surprised by your last question.
Shirley Schmidt: The last question is our defense, Alan. Which is the reason I need you to close.
Alan Shore: Close? I still don't even know what I'm doing on this case, much less...?
Shirley Schmidt: You're on this case to close.
Alan Shore: Shirley.
Shirley Schmidt: I'll buy you a drink and explain. Meet me in my office at 8:00. She leaves.
Tara Wilson: She comes up. What's going on?
Alan Shore: I haven't the slightest idea what's going on. I'm on this case for no apparent reason. He walks up to
Catherine. Catherine!
Catherine Piper: Oh. Hello, dear.
Alan Shore: I do not want you befriending Bernard Ferrion.
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Catherine Piper: Gee, you say that almost as if it's any of your business.
Alan Shore: The man has murdered two people. It is unsafe for you to keep his company.
Catherine Piper: I've managed to survive for eighty-two years...
Alan Shore: He’s dangerous and he...
Catherine Piper: My word would be "desperate."
Alan Shore: Catherine, Bernard Ferrion is evil. He will likely murder again. And you? If there was ever a person
who deserved a whack on the head...?
Catherine Piper: She is stunned. Oh. Jee… She walks away.
Alan Shore: He turns to Tara. What?
In Judge Sean Keneally’s courtroom. Michael Foster is on the stand.
Michael Foster: I absolutely planned to marry her.
Donny Crane: Well? What happened, Mike?
Michael Foster: I just... I panicked.
Donny Crane: At that particular moment?
Michael Foster: Look, I had a phobic kind of thing about losing control of my life. Frannie, she picked out the
caterer, the church, the minister, the reception hall, and it just hit me, that wedding was a microcosm of marriage
with every decision to be made by her. I just panicked.
Donny Crane: Did you think of how embarrassing it would be for her?
Michael Foster: And for me, too. I was the one standing up there looking like an idiot. But we were at the "speak
now or forever hold your peace" part. What other choice did I have?
Donny Crane: Thank you. He sits down.
Denny Crane: He gets up. I must say, we've all just seen the best of Donny Crane.
Donny Crane: Objection.
Denny Crane: Withdrawn. Withdrawn. Uh, Mitch. May I, may I call you Mitch?
Michael Foster: My name is Michael.
Denny Crane: Waves his hand dismissively. As I understand your testimony, you just weren't ready to get
married?
Michael Foster: That's right.
Denny Crane: It's a huge decision. Affects your whole life.
Michael Foster: Yes.
Denny Crane: It affects her life.
Michael Foster: Of course.
Denny Crane: You, you seem like a considerate sort of guy. Are you?
Michael Foster: I think so.
Denny Crane: You must have sensed that when you left her at the altar like that it would be a big number on
her? You weren't insensitive to that?
Michael Foster: No. But, again. What else could I have done?
Denny Crane: Well, yes. Would it be unreasonable to say that the groom incurs a duty to perhaps sort out his
feelings before thirty minutes into the ceremony?
Michael Foster: Well, uh.
Denny Crane: That's not unreasonable, is it? For the groom to be sure before he walks down the aisle. Is that
unreasonable?
Michael Foster: Uh… uh… I guess not.
Denny Crane: Ever tell her you're sorry?
Michael Foster: Course, I did.
Denny Crane: Wanna tell her now?
Michael Foster: He looks at Frannie. Frannie? I'm sorry.
Denny Crane: And, Mitch.
Michael Foster: My name's Michael.
Denny Crane: Waves hand dismissively. What's your lawyer's name?
Michael Foster: Donny Crane.
Denny Crane: What's my name?
Michael Foster: Denny Crane.
Denny Crane: Big difference, isn't there?
Donny Crane: Move to strike.
Judge: Mr. Crane!
Denny Crane: Now you got it. Lock and load. He goes to sit down. I love the law.
8
At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, Alan and Lori Colson are coming down the stairway.
Lori Colson: And what exactly is your defense?
Alan Shore: Something like, “Let him go even though he did it.”
Lori Colson: Jury nullification?
Alan Shore: Best I can tell. He sees Shirley and raises his voice. Though, Shirley hasn't really filled me in!
Shirley Schmidt: Talking about me?
Alan Shore: Yes, Shirley. If you so enjoy keeping me in the dark, you really should give me a try. In the dark.
Shirley Schmidt: Thank you. Actually, it's your love of the dark that got you on this case. Are we still on for eight?
She walks away.
Alan Shore: To Lori. See that evidently was supposed to mean something. He sees Bernie trying to avoid
walk by without being seen. Excuse me. Bernie! What are you doing here?
Bernard Ferrion: Ah, I'm, uh. Picking up Catherine. We're grabbing a bite.
Alan Shore: Bernie, I like Catherine Piper. I very much want her to go on living, the chances of which are
lessened if she keeps your company.
Bernard Ferrion: Go screw yourself.
Alan Shore: What did you just say to me?
Bernard Ferrion: You heard me. It's not like me to curse. I've, I've only said it once before in my entire life!
Alan Shore: Undoubtedly to Mother.
Bernard Ferrion: Go screw yourself, Alan!!
Alan Shore: Now, we're up to three times.
Bernard Ferrion: I will not be berated by you, put down...!!
Tara hears this.
Alan Shore: Catherine? Are you witnessing this?
Catherine Piper: Why don't you give him a chance for God's sake?
Alan Shore: How about we leave God out of this? I hired you to be a legal secretary. Not to bring God or
anybody else into the office. Certainly not serial killers. Bernie glares at him. Note the look on his face,
Catherine. That's what's commonly known as your psychotic glare. Loudly. Don't anyone ask this man to whip
up an omelet!!
Bernard Ferrion: You were my friend.
Alan Shore: And I thought you were mine!! And you know what you did to me after I got you out? You killed
again! You got blood on my hands that will never come out! Friends don't do that, Bernie! Friends don't do that!
Bernard Ferrion: He shakes his fingers at Alan. He breaths: Oh, you. He is speechless with anger and
leaves.
Catherine Piper: Oh! She leaves.
Alan Shore: He notices Tara. Your continued staring suggests a point of view, Tara. If you've got one, please
share it.
In Judge Sean Keneally’s courtroom. Chelina is giving her closing.
Chelina Hall: This is every woman's, perhaps every man's greatest nightmare: Being left at the altar. In front of
all our family, our closet friends. Our boss! There is no greater humiliation. And it could happen to anybody. It
could happen to you, your granddaughter, your son. Me. We gotta send a message. Right now! To every bride
and every groom: You wanna have a change of heart? Fine! But have the decency to have it before you walk
down the aisle. And there's only one way to really send that message, isn't there? Money.
Donny Crane: What would you have him do? The ceremony somehow takes precedence over the institution
itself? The goal is to avoid embarrassment now? This is marriage. For God's sake "til death do us part; let no
man tear asunder." Now, my client did the honorable thing. He refused to take vows he didn't feel he could live
up to. And does anybody here really feel he should have? This is marriage.
At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, Shirley is in her office. Alan is with her.
Alan Shore: It's simply insane that I should give the closing after you've handled all the witnesses. The jury has
no relationship with me. I can only guess that you must want one. Is that what this is all about? Your
unconscious desire to bed me?
Shirley Schmidt: She clicks the remote to turn on another video of police assaulting a suspect. You have
undoubtedly seen this footage?
Alan Shore: Along with the rest of the world. Happened in LA. What's it got to do with us?
Shirley Schmidt: Two of the officers were disciplined and then they sued. There were just awarded two point
four million dollars last month.
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Alan Shore: Is there a moral?
Shirley Schmidt: This brings us to the dark. The jury in that case somehow found it in their conscience to pay
those officers millions of dollars. Obviously, there was some human nature in play. We need to stand up in front
of our jury and tell then what our client did was a good thing. It's not in me to sell that.
Alan Shore: And you think it's in me?
Shirley Schmidt: I certainly don't know all of you, Alan. Perhaps not even much. But you seem to have a
capacity to see darkness in people's hearts. I need you to exploit the ugliness in human nature in a way that I
cannot.
Alan Shore: I think you're underestimating your own capacity to see darkness in hearts.
In Judge Dale Mellman’s Courtroom, A.D.A. Nicholas Preston is giving his closing.
A.D.A. Nicholas Preston: He's not above the law because he's a policeman. He doesn't get to be exempt from
the law because there's a fortuitous result. He beat up an innocent man. Fractured a cheekbone. Broke an arm.
Put him in the hospital. This was an aggravated assault. It was torture. Paul Harris didn't have specific
information as to the whereabouts of the supect. All he had was a general idea of the places he liked to
frequent. For that, you saw what happened to him.
A beat.
Alan Shore: The truth is, as Americans we love torture. We keep it to ourselves of course. But come on, when it
comes to evildoers? Torture's okay. Hollywood certainly knows that. Dirty Harry. Boom. Charles Bronson in
Death Wish. Denzel Washington in Man on Fire. Heroes torturing the bad guys. In theaters all across the
country we cheered. We like torture! Is there potential for abuse? Without question. The events at Abu Ghraib
prison were deplorable. But do we really think they happened in a vacuum? Alberto Gonzalez, our Attorney
General, wrote a memo to the administration saying torture's okay. Our Supreme Court just recently held that
evidence gained from torture can be used in trials. Alan Dershowitz, one of the leading civil rights activists in our
country, raised the idea of using torture warrants so as to at least to be more open about it. Torture warrants.
Love that torture. Shhhh. Mr. Preston talks about the witness here being an innocent man. Now come on. He
wasn't that innocent. He did harbor a fugitive. One who kidnaps and kills children. He did have information that
ultimately led to the rescue of the child here. And he refused to give it up until he was… coerced. As for my
client being above the law? Well, the law in this country has always been subject to evolving community
standards of humanity. So the twelve of you get to go back there, as a community, and asks yourselves "Was
this a good thing or not?" He's happy He points to the child. He's alive. They're sure as hell happy He points
to the child's parents. My client saved a life! That little boy's life. If it were your child wouldn't you want the
police to do whatever was necessary? This officer got the job done using a method that our government, our
military, our attorney general and, yes, even our Supreme Court has said is sometimes okay. Sometimes.
Depending on the situation. Whispering and with exaggerated facial expression. Torture's okay. In a normal
voice again. Just don't tell anybody.
In Judge Sean Keneally’s courtroom.
Judge Sean Keneally: Madame Foreperson, the jury has reached a verdict?
Foreperson: We have, Your Honor.
Judge: What say you?
Foreperson: On the question of liability, we find in favor of the plaintiff. On the question of damages, we order
the defendant to pay the plaintiff the amount of one point six million dollars.
Frannie gasps in shock and delight. She hugs Denny.
Judge Sean Keneally: Thank you. The jury is dismissed.
Michael Foster: One point six? Oh, my God1
Donny Crane: I'm sorry.
Michael Foster: You said we'd win1
Donny clutches his stomach and starts wheezing.
Outside the courtroom Donny is sitting on a bench, he is deep in thought.
Denny Crane: He goes over and sits down next to Donny. Your first mistake was letting me push your
buttons in there. Your second, was not preparing your client for cross. He admitted fault. He admitted the harm
was foreseeable. You let me frame the issue as the groom's duty to be sure before the ceremony. Once we got
that, we won. Never, ever let the other side frame the issue, son.
Donny Crane: I'm not your son. Denny doesn’t reply. Or leave. Could you please go?
10
Denny Crane: He starts to leave. Your third mistake. Definition of a father. It's a sliding scale. Some are great,
some are terrible, most are in between. I may not have been around much. But I was always there when you
needed me. Still am. And I’ve always loved you. Still do.
In Judge Dale Mellman’s Courtroom, A.D.A. The clerk takes a paper from the judge and gives it to the
Foreperson.
Judge Dale Mellman: Will the defendant please rise? The jury has reached a unanimous verdict?
Foreman: We have, Your Honor.
Judge Dale Mellman: Please state your verdict.
Foreman: In the matter of the Commonwealth versus Wayne Kirkland, re the charge of aggravated assault, we
find the defendant, Wayne Kirkland, not guilty.
Wayne Kirkland breaths a deep sigh of relief.
Alan Shore: Congratulations. He shakes hands with Wayne Kirkland and quickly turns away.
Wayne Kirkland: Thank you very much. To Shirley. Thank you for everything.
Wayne Kirkland leaves.
Shirley Schmidt: Most welcome, sir.
Judge Dale Mellman: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, thank you for your jury service. You are dismissed. This
court is adjourned
Shirley Schmidt: Thank you, Alan. And I apologize if I offended you.
Alan Shore: Nonsense. You paid great tribute to my lawyering skills, Shirley. What higher compliment could
there be? He starts to leave.
Shirley Schmidt: Alan? Listen, I... You're capacity to see darkness; we all have it I suppose, including me. My
point is it was simply a dirty job and I chose to let you do it.
Alan Shore: No, the point is I was willing to do it. And you somehow saw that.
At Crane, Poole and Schmidt, out on the balcony, drink in hand, Denny is having a cigar.
Chelina Hall: She comes out. Ahem. Your secretary said you wanted to see me.
Denny Crane: She told you that?
Chelina Hall: Is there some reason why she shouldn't have?
Denny Crane: I said I wanted to see you naked. I don't suppose there's much chance of that. Chelina chuckles.
I'll let you see me naked.
Chelina Hall: Now there's definitely no chance.
Denny Crane: Well, now that you're here. You tried a good case, soldier. You're an excellent lawyer.
Chelina Hall: Thank you. Tell a friend. She leaves.
Alan Shore: He joins Denny. Drinking without me?
Denny Crane: I'm never without you.
Alan Shore: Nice coat. New?
Denny Crane: Thirty-five hundred dollars. It's good to have money. Don't you love having money?
Alan Shore: It means we're successful.
Denny Crane: Happy.
Alan Shore: Fat.
Denny Crane: It's all good. How'd your trial go?
Alan Shore: We won. You?
Denny Crane: Victory. Success.
Alan Shore: Goes well with having money.
Denny Crane: We're winners. That's what we are.
Alan Shore: Ha. Yep. Salud. Here's to the winners.