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法律英語 |
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| 波士頓法律第二季第十二集臺詞Boston legal |
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出處：法律顧問網(wǎng)·涉外m.jeanmcdaniel.com
時間：2011/1/2 23:39:00 |
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Boston Legal
Helping Hands
Season 2, Episode 12
Written by David E. Kelly
2005 David E. Kelley Productions. All Rights Reserved.
Broadcast: January 17, 2006
Transcribed by Imamess of JSMP for Boston-Legal.org
Paul Lewiston, Shirley Schmidt and Brad Chase are in Paul’s office at Crane, Poole and Schmidt.
Paul Lewiston: Shirley. I am not going through this again!
Brad Chase: Could someone catch me up here?
Shirley Schmidt: Denny got engaged.
Brad Chase: Mazeltov?
Paul Lewiston: No Mazeltov.
Brad Chase: Well, who is it this time?
Paul Lewiston: Beverly Bridge.
Shirley Schmidt: The women Denny ‘Craned’ in the coat room at that charity dinner last week.
Paul Lewiston: If this Bev turns out to be another Angie. Oh god.
Brad Chase: Angie?
Paul Lewiston: Number four.
Shirley Schmidt: Wife number five was no picnic either.
Paul Lewiston: Clovis.
Shirley Schmidt: She almost got him to retire, pull his equity out of the firm and move to Boca.
Paul Lewiston: Clovis nearly sunk us.
Shirley Schmidt: Half the staff quit.
Paul Lewiston: And she was drunk the day President Ford stopped by. Alright, I’ll pull out Denny’s last prenup. See if I
can water seal it. Shirley. You talk to the woman, get her story. Brad. Check the partnership agreement. We have to
make sure there are no loopholes in the mandatory buyout in case of partner’s death or incapacity.
Brad Chase: One thing.
Shirley Schmidt: What?
Brad Chase: Is there any remote possibility we could be over reacting here?
In Denny office music starts playing. Denny and Bev each have a microphone in their hands. They start
singing karaoke.
Denny Crane and Beverly Bridges: I’ve had the time of my life. I’ve never felt this way before. Brad, Shirley and Paul
peek around the corner. Yes, I swear, it’s the truth. And I owe it all the you ‘cause I had the time of my life.
Brad Chase: I’ll get the partnership agreement.
Denny Crane and Beverly Bridges: I’ve never felt this way before. And I owe it all to you. You, you, you, you, you.
In Judge Judge Gordon Kolodny’s courtroom.
Clerk: Docket number two four nine six three five. Commonwealth versus Jerald Epsenson. Attempted murder,
assault, assault with a deadly weapon, battery, sexual battery, false imprisonment, torture, terrorist threats.
Alan Shore: Alan Shore for the preposterously charged Mr Espenson.
A.D.A Frank Gingsberg: Frank Ginsgerg for the Commonwealth.
Judge Gordon Kolodny: How do you plead?
Alan Shore: Not guilty by reason of temporary insanity.
Judge Gordon Kolodny: As to bail?
Alan Shore: We ask that Mr Espenson be released on his own recognizance.
A.D.A Frank Gingsberg: Commonwealth opposes bail.
Alan Shore: You can’t be serious! Your Honor! This incident was an aberration. Mr Espenson is an upstanding
member of his community, is not a danger to society, and he has a family counting on him at home. Frank Ginsberg
steps back to whisper to Shirley.
Judge Gordon Kolodny: He has dependants?
Alan Shore: Her name is Linda.
A.D.A Frank Gingsberg: Your Honor. Let the record show that his dependent is a gecko Mr Espenson threatened to
kill his boss in her place of business and has a history of violence. He could be a flight risk.
Alan Shore: Flight risk? The man can’t even hail a cab! He turns to Jerry. Sorry.
A.D.A Frank Gingsberg: It is incumbent on the Commonwealth to protect at large if, God forbid, he’s released and
hurts someone else.
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Judge Gordon Kolodny: Bail is denied. Defendant shall be remanded into custody immediately.
Jerry Espenson: Mealworms are in the fridge. I need to feed Linda. I need to get home.
Alan Shore: Jerry, I’ll feed Linda.
Alan and Shirley are walking in the corridor at Crane, Poole and Schmidt.
Alan Shore: Sexual battery, torture, terrorist threats? That isn’t justice, disproportionate retribution. And good for you,
you’ve enlisted the one prosecutor who’s running for D.A. next year. Tell me. How big was your campaign
contribution? And is there a matching fund here at the firm we can all go in on?
Shirley Schmidt: It was sizeable and speak to Kim in accounting.
Alan Shore: Jerry Espenson never intended…
Shirley Schmidt: Do not start defending him to me, Alan.
Alan Shore: I agreed to defend him. That’s why he put down the knife.
Shirley Schmidt: No you agree to represent him. No one here meant for you to defend him.
Alan Shore: Shirley. No one is denying what this man has done to you. But he should at least get a fair trial.
Shirley Schmidt: Oh by all means, let’s get a fair trial for the man who tried to slit my throat.
Alan Shore: Lets!
Shirley Schmidt: Understand that everyone at the firm is considered a witness. Don’t expect anyone to help you. Or
speak to you.
Alan Shore: And won’t that make for a refreshing change? He walks away.
Paul Lewiston: He comes up. Shirley? Have you talked to Denny’s fiancé yet?
Shirley Schmidt: I’ve been a little busy, Paul.
Paul Lewiston: I’m working on the prenup. But we need you to find out her intensions.
Shirley Schmidt: You’re the one with the kind eyes. I don’t do girl talk.
Paul Lewiston: Do I have to remind you how serious this situation is? If Denny becomes incapacitated… or should I
say I say further incapacitated, this woman could become his Nancy Regan. She’d have his power of attorney. She
could bring down the firm.
Shirley Schmidt: I’ll talk to her.
Denise Bauer is in her office at Crane, Poole and Schmidt packing her briefcase. Daniel Post knocks on the
door jamb.
Denise Bauer: Daniel?
Daniel Post: Came to take you to lunch.
Denise Bauer: I can’t. I have a case.
Daniel Post: What is it?
Denise Bauer: A high school teacher is seeking a temporary restraining order against one of her student’s parents.
They’re hounding the woman day and night about the daughter’s grades.
Daniel Post: Helicopter parents.
Denise Bauer: Helicopter parents?
Daniel Post: Well, that’s what they call ‘em now. Yeah, parents who hover around their kids, trying to control every
aspect of their lives.
Denise Bauer: Oh, that would be the Gerings.
Daniel Post: Oh. Cool. I’m in.
Denise Bauer: What?
Daniel Post: I wanna second chair. I mean, why not? I got my law degree. I keep up my MCLE’s.
Denise Bauer: Have you ever actually tried a case?
Daniel Post: No, but I’ve always wanted to. I mean think of it as the Make a Wish Foundation granting a dying kid his
fantasy. Denise gives him a look. If that kid were a rich guy in his forties. Besides I could probably help you. I’m on
the board of Lexington School. My kids used to go there. We deal with helicopter parents all the time.
Denise Bauer: Well, that could be helpful. I would have to get the client’s approval though.
Daniel Post: I can get that.
Denise Bauer: I would have to get one of the partners to agree.
Daniel Post: Looks like a partner right there. He walks up to Denny. Daniel Post.
Denny Crane: Denny Crane.
Daniel Post: I’m a client.
Denny Crane: I’m a partner.
Daniel Post: CEO Christberg and Phelem.
Denny Crane: My name is on the door.
Daniel Post: I love the offices.
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Denny Crane: Thank you. I love your hair.
Daniel Post: I got a plane.
Denny Crane: Indeed?
Daniel Post: Could use a little more color though.
Denny Crane: I’ll make a note. My fiancé sells office furniture.
Daniel Post: Congratulations. I’d love to meet her.
Denny Crane: My club. Thursday. They serve reubens
Daniel Post: I’ll take you flying. Oh, by the way, I’d like to try a case with Ms Bauer over here?
Denny Crane: Why not? See you Thursday.
Daniel Post: Thursday. Denise is amazed. That’s what I do. I make connections. That’s how we met! Remember?
Shirley walks down the corridor at Crane, Poole and Schmidt. She walks into Alan’s office. He’s there with
Jerry. And Linda.
Alan Shore: Shirley, I believe you know my client.
Shirley Schmidt: Why isn’t this man in jail?
Alan Shore: He has an excellent attorney. Who filed an emergency writ with Court of Appeals and the Judge agreed
that denial of bail was an abuse of discretion. I’m surprised your lackey at the D.A.’s office didn’t keep you abreast of
this. Perhaps you didn’t tip him enough.
Shirley Schmidt: He’s not to be in this building. I’ll get a restraining order if I have to.
She leaves.
Jerry Espenson: She hates me.
Alan Shore: Tempers seem frayed all around. That’s why I’m filing for a continuance. We’ll everyone cool down a bit
then try again for a plea bargain.
Jerry Espenson: No! Plea bargain’s out of the question. It’s not guilty or nothing.
Alan Shore: But you are guilty Jerry. A whole office full of people saw you do it. One of the junior associates took a
video of you on his cell phone. He’s thinking of entering it in a film festival.
Jerry Espenson: No plea bargain!
Alan Shore: Proving temporary insanity is a daunting task, you know that. A plea bargain is our best chance to keep
you out of jail.
Jerry Espenson: If I plea bargain I’ll be disbarred. Alan, my whole life is the law. It’s all I have. It’s what I love. You
can’t let them take that away from me.
Alan Shore: Then we go to trial.
Garrett and Alan are in Alan’s office at Crane, Poole and Schmidt.
Alan Shore: Look up any case law, any articles, new reports, anything that supports the theory that stress in the work
place can lead to an individual losing control of themselves. Especially in the form of a voilent outburst.
Garrett Wells: Got it. He starts to leave and meets Shirley coming in. He quickly hides the clipboard he’s
holding.
Shirley Schmidt: Hello, Garrett. You’re not helping Mr Shore on the Espenson case because you’re a witness. I’m sure
you’re aware that would be a conflict of interest?
Garrett Wells: I was just getting him coffee.
Shirley Schmidt: Yeah. Well, you can’t do that either. I’ll take it decaf though. Thanks.
Garrett Wells: Thank you. He leaves.
Alan Shore: Shirley, I know we’re fighting, but there’s no reason to take it out on the children.
Shirley Schmidt: Alan. This looks like it could be tough on you. Especially since you don’t have an assistant anymore.
Shirley leaves and Melissa comes in carrying a box.
Alan Shore: Shirley fired you?
Melissa Hughes: Worse. I got transferred to human resources where all the people persons are.
Alan Shore: She’s building a Chinese Wall.
Melissa Hughes: What’s that?
Alan Shore: It’s a legal concept. It keeps anyone in the firm who may be involved in this case from talking to me about
it.
Melissa Hughes: Well then you’ve got a big-ass wall around you.
Alan Shore: Shirley’s just trying to rattle my cage. It’s only a temporary transfer.
Melissa Hughes: So you won’t be mad if I ignore you in the hall and just look at your shoes. I need my job.
Alan Shore: I’ll try to wear nice shoes.
In Judge Peggy Zeder’s courtroom. Traci Carpenter is being questioned by Denise.
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Traci Carpenter: They call me at night, on the weekends they email, text message my cell phone, they drop by for
parent-teacher conferences, they challenge every grade, every assignment. The last straw was when my sister was
delivering her baby and I was her coach. They called on my cell phone and when I said that Cathy was starting to
crown they asked when she’d be finished so we could discuss Rachel’s paper on The Red Pony. It used to be that
teachers spent eighty percent of the time with the students and now we spent eighty percent of the time with the
parents and it’s hurting the kids.
Denise Bauer: Thank you. She walks back to the table.
Daniel Post: Ahem, hem, hem, hem.
Denise Bauer: Excuse me Your Honor, just one moment.
Daniel Post: In a whisper to Denise. The Judge doesn’t like her.
Denise Bauer: She doesn’t like me!
Daniel Post: You know who women do find charming? Me.
Judge Peggy Zeder: Ms Bauer?
Daniel Post: Let me ask a question. Just see how it goes.
Denise Bauer: I don’t know about that.
Judge Peggy Zeder: Ms Bauer?!
Daniel Post: Ms Carpenter. Ah, would you say it’s true that Rachel Gering is a good student?
Attorney John Hoberg: Objection! Leading the witness.
Daniel Post: Right. Sorry, I knew that. Sorry. Sorry. What kind of grades does Rachel get?
Traci Carpenter: She has between a B-plus and an A-minus average.
Daniel Post: And has the Gering’s attention done anything to change that grade?
Traci Carpenter: Not at all.
Daniel Post: One more question. Have the Gerings contacted any other teachers?
Traci Carpenter: All the other teachers. The one they hounded the most was Mr Chihee, the math teacher.
Daniel Post: How did he react?
Traci Carpenter: He quit. He couldn’t take it anymore so he took early retirement. I’m still twenty years away from that.
I was so excited to become a teacher. No one told me it would be this way.
Daniel Post: Nothing further, Your Honor. Unless, ah, you can think of anything?
Judge Peggy Zeder: Ha.
Beverly and Shirley are having drinks in a bar.
Beverly Bridge: I know what you want Shirley. And yes, Denny does still talk about you. He remembers his
experiences with you so fondly. Did you know that he has a position called, ‘The Schmidt’?
Shirley Schmidt: Would that be the one where I read a magazine while he lies passed out on the floor?
Beverly Bridge: That’s not what I heard.
Shirley Schmidt: Look Bev, I’m a busy woman so I’ll just get to the point. Who are you and what are you up to?
Beverly Bridge: Oh. We’re going to have that conversation.
Shirley Schmidt: We are.
Beverly Bridge: So, you think I’m screwing Denny for his money and power?
Shirley Schmidt: It had occurred to me.
Beverly Bridge: Well, good news! I am. I find money and power just so appetizing. And why did you screw him?
Shirley Schmidt: I lost a bet.
Beverly Bridge: Shirley. You know, I, I thought you were enlightened. But it turns out that you’re the worst kind of
female there is. Either you condemn a woman as a whore because she enjoys sex…
Shirley Schmidt: I didn’t say...
Beverly Bridge: … or you assume that she’s a manipulative gold-digger.
Shirley Schmidt: Ha, ha. Oh, Bev. You know, I’ve completely misread you. Here I had you pegged as some kind of
predatory shark. Ha. I came here today with the intension of telling you that if you ever do anything to hurt my friend,
Denny, or this firm I will see to it that you are hunted down legally and literally until you are penniless and left to troll
airport bars looking for alcoholic pilots nearing retirement age. But I can see I don’t need to do that.
Beverly Bridge: You know it’s really hard to believe that you’re the one that came up with, ‘The Schmidt’. She leaves.
Male patron: He moves next to Shirely. So, ah. What is ‘The Schmidt’?
Denny is in his office at Crane, Poole and Schmidt dancing alone to fast-paced Latin music. Alan comes up
and knocks on the door jamb.
Alan Shore: May I cut in?
Denny Crane: I’m practicing for my wedding. Come and join me.
Alan Shore: Why not?
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Denny Crane: No, no. No, no. It’s not on the one. It's not a mambo. It's a feeling, like a heartbeat. Kachunk, kachunk,
kachunk.
Alan Shore: Shut up and dance, mister. Denny twirls Alan. This case Shirley is pursuing against Jerry.
Denny Crane: I’m not allowed to talk about it. Vietnamese Wall.
Alan Shore: Chinese Wall. She’s pressuring the D.A.’s office, she’s cut off all my resources here which is fine, it’s just
getting a little crowded around the hotel room with the two paralegals I’ve hired from Harvard always underfoot.
Denny Crane: I can’t hear you over the wall. Hey! You’re a natural.
Alan Shore: Anything Denny Crane can do I can do backwards and wearing high heels.
Denny Crane: The feeling I get around here is that people aren’t that high on Bev.
Alan Shore: Haven’t noticed.
Denny Crane: Well I don’t care if nobody else likes her. It’s important to me what you think of her.
Alan Shore: I imagine I’ll like her.
Denny Crane: No Alan, I need a guarantee. And I’m not talking about getting to know her and forming your own
opinion. I need you to like her!
Alan Shore: Denny? Just knowing you care for her makes me happy enough.
Denny Crane: He toyes with Alan’s fingers. I’m feeling a tension. You can’t have a very strong case.
Alan Shore: Jerry Espenson was determined to make partner. He didn’t and that’s what made him snap.
Denny Crane: Well, what’s so special about that? All the associates wanna make partner. It’s the carrot we dangle in
front of ‘em to keep them working.
Alan Shore: He waltzes out of Denny’s arms. Excuse me, Denny. He picks up the phone. Melissa I need your help.
I need access to some personal files.
Denny Crane: He sticks his fingers in his ears. Vietnamese Wall!!
In Judge Peggy Zeder’s courtroom. Attorney John Hoberg is questioning Gigi Gering.
Attorney John Hoberg: Are you concerned about Rachel’s college prospects?
Gigi Gering: Yes. Even the State schools have taken to admitting only the best of the best.
Attorney John Hoberg: Are you saying Ms Carpenter isn’t qualified to prepare your daughter?
Gigi Gering: No.But we would be remiss if we didn’t stay so involved. Our most important job is to prepare Rachel for
her future.
Attorney John Hoberg: Nothing further.
Denise Bauer: Ms Gering? Are you saying that Ms Carpenter is a bad teacher?
Gigi Gering: No. I didn’t say that.
Denise Bauer: How would you rate her, B-minus? C-plus? What?
Gigi Gering: I don’t think I could really…
Denise Bauer: Because she has won a teaching award. So, maybe if you’re not giving her a good enough grade it’s
your problem, not hers? Is that possible?
Gigi Gering: I never said…
Denise Bauer: We know that you’re involved with a lot of other teachers.
Daniel Post: We just don’t want our teacher to get lost in the shuffle.
Denise Bauer: And maybe you were having a bad day when you evaluated her.
Attorney John Hoberg: Objection!
Daniel Post: I don’t think you see her potential.
Denise Bauer: We know that we don’t see how hard she works.
Daniel Post: She works so hard. The other teachers are playing, Traci’s inside…
Attorney John Hoberg: Your Honor?
Judge Peggy Zeder: Ms Bauer!
Attorney John Hoberg: Objection! They’re badgering the witness!
Denise Bauer: Of course we’re badgering the witness!
Daniel Post: Did you just figure that out?
Judge Peggy Zeder: Objection sustained.
Denise Bauer: Thank you, Your Honor for sustaining the objection to the badgering of this woman. That’s what this
whole trial is about. Let’s stop the badgering.
Daniel Post: Nobody should be able to do that sort of thing to anybody. Unless they themselves are actually a badger.
In Judge Gordon Kolondy’s courtroom. A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg is questioning Shirley.
A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: In your opinion did Mr Espenson seem insane to you?
Shirley Schmidt: No. He seemed to know exactly what he was doing. He even negotiated for the services of Mr Shore
as his attorney. He only agreed to spare my life on that condition.
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A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: Thank you. Nothing further.
Alan Shore: Ugh. Ms Schmidt. He walks up to adjust her microphone. I’m sorry it’s just these damn microphones….
I don’t if you were able to hear her clearly. I heard some of it and it sounded great. He taps the mic. Testing! One, two
three. Testing! Maybe if you sit a little closer.
Judge Gordon Kolondy: Mr Shore. We can all hear the witness just fine.
Alan Shore: You can? Good. It’s just Ms Schmidt and I work together and around the office Shirley’s considered
something of a low talker.
Shirley Schmidt: Mr Shore. Do you have a question?
Alan Shore: Yes, I do. I have here Jerry Espenson’s performance reviews for the past fifteen years. Would you please
read one for us? He hands her a folder. Pick a year. Any year.
Shirley Schmidt: For the record Mr Espenson’s work reviews are all excellent. Now Mr Shore, would you like me to
read one aloud for dramatic effect?
Alan Shore: Now that you’ve taken all the fun out of it? No. How about I do it? He takes the folder. Uhm. Ah! Yeah.
“Jerry has displayed a vast knowledge of the law, delivered all assignments in a timely fashion, has consistently met
with the firm’s minimum billables.”
Shirley Schmidt: There’s no denying Mr Espenson’s exceptional work habits.
Alan Shore: Yet! And I quote, “Jerry Espenson is not partnership material.” What exactly did that mean?
Shirley Schmidt: We’re a private firm at Crane, Poole and Schmidt. We have every right to decide what criteria by
which to make people partners.
Alan Shore: Yes. But, clearly Jerry Espenson is not partnership material. I mean, look at him, he’s awkward,
unsociable, keeps his hands on his thighs at all times.
Shirley Schmidt: As I said, we have many criteria.
Alan Shore: So you’ve been lying to Jerry? Is that it?
Shirley Schmidt: I beg your pardon?
Alan Shore: About his chances to make partner. You never told him that he wasn’t partnership material. Quite the
contrary, you encouraged him again and again to aspire to that position. And yet there it was, “Not partnership
material.” in his confidential file since 1990, fifteen years ago. You’ve been lying to Jerry Espenson for fifteen years.
Haven’t you?
Shirley Schmidt: As you know Mr Shore, not everyone makes partner at our firm or any other. Otherwise our
letterhead would be twenty pages long.
Alan Shore: But as an institutionalize practice you keep all associates believing they have a chance to make partner.
Especially the exceptional ones, even if you never have any intension of doing so. Isn’t that right.
Shirley Schmidt: We encourage all our attorney’s to do good work. It’s their job.
Alan Shore: That incident in the conference room a week ago with the cake knife? That really rattled you, didn’t it?
Shirley Schmidt: Excuse me?
Alan Shore: A man held a knife to your throat. You perceived it as a grave threat. It rattled you?
Shirley Schmidt: The experience was not a pleasant one.
Alan Shore: No I’m sure it wasn’t. But let’s talk about what’s really going on here. Shall we? A gifted, eccentric and
loyal employee who worked for fifteen years on a promise, momentarily lost control of his senses when his one dream
was taken away. And yet the D.A.’s office has charged my client with everything short of the Lindberg kidnapping,
because ultimately they’re just following orders from the great and powerful Schmidt. Aren’t they?
A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: Objection! Relevance!
Judge Gordon Kolondy: Sustained. Mr Shore?
Alan Shore: Could someone move for a mistrial? Cause I’m fine with that.
Judge Gordon Kolondy: You will keep your questions relevant Mr Shore.
Alan Shore: Nothing further.
A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: When Mr Epenson was denied partnership at the firm, was he fired?
Shirley Schmidt: No he was offered a position of counsel and was free to stay.
A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: And what salary would Mr Espenson have made if he’d stayed at the firm?
Shirley Schmidt: Approximately three hundred thousand dollars per year.
A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: Three hundred thousand dollars a year? Sounds like a real coal mine at Crane, Poole and
Schmidt.
Alan and Jerry are in Alan’s office at Crane, Poole and Schmidt.
Jerry Espenson: It’s not going very well. Is it?
Alan Shore: No it’s not. Jerry, it might be time to start thinking of who will take care of Linda if you’re away.
Jerry Espenson: Oh God. Oh God.
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Alan Shore: Jerry, I’m going to make a case for temporary insanity that is as compelling as it can possibly be. But it’s
thin, at best. And, I must be frank with you. I don’t know if it will be enough.
Jerry Espenson: My dad is a mathematics professor at Cornell and he’s always saying, “May I have some toast?”
Alan Shore: I don’t understand.
Jerry Espenson: He says it over and over again. “May I have some toast? May I have some toast?” And eventually he
says it enough and someone always gives him toast.
Alan Shore: Your father?
Jerry Espenson: He never gives up. That’s what I’m saying. It’s the toast. Bingo. We should never give up.
Alan Shore: I won’t give up, Jerry.
Denise and Daniel are having dinner in a restaurant.
Daniel Post: I felt like a cross between Clarence Darrow and ah, Al Pacino in that movie where he shouts.
Denise Bauer: Ha, hm. You are really good at trial law. You should uhm…
Daniel Post: Maybe next life. Now enough about me. Let’s talk about you. Why are you getting involved with a dead
guy?
Denise Bauer: I, ah, try not to think about it. I do find myself being strangely forthcoming with you.
Daniel Post: Oh! So you’re my Count Guido.
Denise Bauer: Who?
Daniel Post: Count Guido da Montefeltro. Ah, in Dante’s Inferno. Dante meets Guido in hell. Guido tells him that if he
thought that his words would ever reach the real world he would never reveal his true feelings to anyone. But because
he thinks Dante’s dead, he tells him everything.
Denise Bauer: So you think I’m honest with you because you’re, uhm, a dead guy?
Daniel Post: Something like that. So, Guido? Can I do the closing?
Alan is in his office at Crane, Poole and Schmidt with Dr David Cannon.
Dr David Cannon: It’s called Asperger’s Syndrome. And as you suspected it is hereditary.
Alan Shore: Asperger’s Syndrome? It sounds like something you cure with an ointment.
Dr David Cannon: It’s a form of Autism. From the behavior that you described, and from what I read in his personal
file.
Alan Shore: Oh dear. However did you get hold of that?
Dr David Cannon: Jerry Espenson is a classic case. No eye contact, strange tick-like behaviors, passion for a single
subject, in this case the law, sudden outbursts. Basically their brains can’t process ordinary non-verbal cues that most
people use to communicate. I know it sounds strange.
Alan Shore: I’m not one to judge. Do you think Jerry Espenson knows he has it?
Dr David Cannon: I doubt it. Most adults don’t know. It wasn’t even considered a disorder until 1995.
Paul walks into Denny’s office at Crane, Poole and Schmidt.
Paul Lewiston: He hands Denny some papers. Denny?
Denny Crane: What’s this?
Paul Lewiston: It’s your prenup from your last marriage.
Denny Crane: He pages through it and smiles. It’s hard to believe I was ever that young.
Paul Lewiston: I took the liberty of drawing up a new one. With some addendums. He hands Denny some more
papers.
Denny Crane: He reads. “In the event that either party becomes physically or mentally incapacitated their assets…”
This isn’t about protecting me. This is about protecting the firm.
Paul Lewiston: You’ve been through wives before, Denny. Five of them? This firm is the constant. We’re the ones who
are still here. And this does look after your best interests.
Denny Crane: You mean the best interests of the firm?
Paul Lewiston: Oh, for God’s sake, Denny! Someone has to worry about this firm and since you won’t, I have to!
Denny Crane: Because you’re a senior partner. Yet your name isn’t on the door. Mine is. First name on the door.
Paul Lewiston: I’m not interested in getting into an historical arguments with you.
Denny Crane: Why? Because I built the firm from the ground up?
Paul Lewiston: I care about what could happen to the firm now!
Denny Crane: Let me tell you what would happen to this firm if Denny Crane left. It would dry up and blow away. And
you with it! I’m the big gub on this boat. The captain! You’re nothing but a skinny, overpaid deckhand.
Paul Lewiston: No! I am the deckhand who steers this ship because the captain isn’t up to it anymore.
Denny Crane: Get out!
Paul Lewiston: Look over the new document, sign it and get it back to me today.
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Denny Crane: I’m not signing anything.
In Judge Peggy Zeder’s courtroom. Attorney John Hoberg is giving his closing.
Attorney John Hoberg: I can’t believe we’re here today because these parents care too much about their child. The
truth is our children are growing up in a frighteningly competitive world. They’ll face global competition the likes of
which we’ve never seen before and we are unprepared. A most recent study ranked American students sixteenth in
the world in Science, nineteenth in the world in Mathematics. Of American twelfth graders thirty percent of the boys,
seventeen percent of the girls cannot read at the basic level. This type of failure will kill our kids. And that’s what
George and Gigi Gering are trying to prevent. These parents are simply trying to secure their daughters future as best
they can. A future that they know will be challenged with ever increasing competition. What I would have given to have
parents as involved as the Gerings. You ask me? Their daughter’s lucky her parents care so much.
Daniel Post: Before I start. To John Hoberg. Uhm, I know you think you’re parents weren’t involved? But look at you! I
think you turned out super. By the way, Your Honor, I’m ah, I’m dying.
Attorney John Hoberg: I object!
Daniel Post: You object!
Attorney John Hoberg: He’s trying to garnish sympathy, Your Honor.
Daniel Post: Not at all, Your Honor. I only mean to say that my current situation gives me a unique view on life.
Judge Peggy Zeder: Sustained. Mr Post? Proceed with your closing?
Daniel Post: Right. Moving on here. The Gering’s wanna be involved in their child’s education. And they should be.
But in their zealotry they left one thing out of the equation. The teacher. Because, let’s face it, Your Honor, we treat
our teachers like crap. Instead of training our educators properly and believing in them and incentivising them with
decent wages, we disrespect them; we challenge them at every turn. And the government in their ‘No child left behind’
act have created a monster. Instead of teaching children to be innovative our educators are forced to teach to the test.
And it’s been documented that nation wide some teachers have themselves cheated on the tests because their
salaries, their bonuses, their job security are linked to the test scores. He bends down to cough, he takes a deep
breath, he sniffs and pauses. Denise starts to get up. Ah, sit down, sit down. Denise sits down. He takes a
breath. Ah. And on the other side we have parents like the Gerings coming at them from all angles. Questioning their
every move, instead of putting their faith in them. But they do it for a good place but all they want is complete and utter
control. And believe me I know all about wanting control of your life and having very little of it. But you can’t control life,
you can’t control your daughter, you can’t control the teacher. All you can do is inspire them to be innovative thinkers,
people who tap into their own creativity and confidence to try new things, to challenge the status quo, to make new
discoveries. And our kids will do all that and more if we just back off and let ‘em grow. He sits down. Just my luck,
one of the little bastards will come up with a cure for cancer.
Alan and Jerry are sitting in a restaurant.
Alan Shore: They say Albert Einstein may have had Asperger’s Syndrome. Thomas Jefferson. Some say even Bill
Gates exhibit’s certain signs of it. Very good company. A pause. Jerry?
Jerry Espenson: It’s a relief actually.
Alan Shore: You think?
Jerry Espenson: I always hated that I couldn’t be normal. Turns out, it’s because I’m not.
Alan Shore: Jerry, it’s also a viable defense. We just need the psychiatrist to give you a diagnosis.
Jerry Espenson: Oh no. No. No, no.
Alan Shore: Jerry, without a clinical diagnosis…
Jerry Espenson: With a diagnosis in court it’ll be a matter of public record. I will be the autistic lawyer. Forget about
disbarment. No one will ever hire a mental case!
Alan Shore: Jerry. Listen to me.
Jerry Espenson: Then I certainly could never be a lawyer again. No. No. No! No!
Judge Peggy Zeder’s courtroom she is giving her decision.
Judge Peggy Zeder: After carefully reviewing the testimony, as well as my own conduct as the parent of a teenager? I
am ruling in favor of the plaintiff.
Daniel Post: He jumps up. Yes!
Judge Peggy Zeder: Mr Post? Control yourself?
Daniel Post: Sorry, Your Honor, sorry. Sorry, everybody.
Judge Peggy Zeder: Mr and Mrs Gering it is plainly evident that you love your daughter. But your interest in her
studies has, in my view, become interference. Therefore, I am granting the petitioners request for injunctive relief. You
may call Ms Carpenter once every three weeks and you can have one parent/teacher conference per term. We’re
adjourned.
9
Traci Carpenter: Thank you both so much.
Daniel Post: You’re welcome.
Denise Bauer: Nice work, Counselor.
Daniel Post: Yeah. On nuts! You know, I need a chance to ask the court reporter to read back some of the testimony.
That would have been awesome.
Denise Bauer: Do you wanna go, uhm, celebrate?
Daniel Post: You know I’ll be out in a minute. I just wanna, ah, savor the moment.
Denise Bauer: Okay.
Shirley, A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg and Alan are in Alan’s office at Crane, Poole and Schmidt.
Alan Shore: Asperger’s Syndrome.
Shirley Schmidt: What?
Alan Shore: I wasn’t familiar with it either. He hands Frank Ginsberg some folders. But these three highly regarded
psychiatrists have heard of it and they’re all convinced Jerry Espenson suffers from it.
A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: It doesn’t change anything.
Alan Shore: It actually changes a lot. According to the Americans With Disabilities Act it changes Jerry Espenson from
an oddball who attacked his boss to a man who has suffered his whole life from a form of behavioral Autism. It also
changes your case from a winner to a loser.
A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: A pause. What are you looking for?
Alan Shore: Dismiss the charges.
A.D.A. Frank Ginsberg: No.
Alan Shore: There’s no reason to prosecute this man. To Shirley. Shirley, you must have something to say about this.
Shirley Schmidt: I do. I’m sorry Jerry has Autism. It explains a lot. But what’s to stop him from doing it again? From
attacking someone else? Or worse?
Alan Shore: Because he wants to get better. There’s medications that can help control his outbursts. Behavioral
therapy to rehabilitate his social skills, occupational therapy for his ticks. It’s what’s fair! And what’s right. A pause. To
Frank. Would you excuse us please? Frank leaves. Alan gets up to close the door after him. Shirley, in the time
that I’ve known you I’ve never seen you do what you’re doing now. You said to me at the outset you were looking for
justice. Jerry Espenson has been suffering needlessly his entire life. Now he has a chance to find a measure of peace.
That’s justice, Shirley. Isn’t it?
Shirley Schmidt: A pause. You’ll get him help?
Alan Shore: My word.
Alan is in his office at Crane, Poole and Schmidt. Jerry comes in.
Jerry Espenson: It’s over?
Alan Shore: It is! Jerry, it’s best you leave now. Shirley’s largess will only go so far.
Jerry Espenson: He smiles. I just… I want to uhm… Goodbye, Alan. He leaves.
Daniel and Denise are in bed together.
Daniel Post: So. Guido?
Denise Bauer: Hmm?
Daniel Post: Who do you see playing me in the movie? I’m thinking Denzel.
Denise Bauer: I don’t think this case was the stuff Oscars are made of.
Daniel Post: Aw. To me it was.
Denise Bauer: I don’t get it! You’ve built a billion dollar company from the ground up. Why does this excite you?
Daniel Post: I don’t know. I mean stocks, futures; it’s sort a fantasy you know. You can’t really see it. But a courtroom,
a judge, someone needs my help, that I can see, smell, hear, touch, taste. Four stars, five senses. I was really good in
there, wasn’t I?
Denise Bauer: I imagine you’d be pretty good at anything you try.
Daniel Post: A pause. I start chemo again tomorrow.
Denise Bauer: A pause. Okay.
They kiss. This song starts playing.
Shadows are falling and I’m right out of breath.
Keep me in your heart for a while.
If I leave you it doesn’t mean I love you any less.
Keep me in your heart for a while.
When you get up in the morning and you see that crazy sun.
Keep me in your heart for a while.
10
There’s a train leavin’ nightly called, ‘When all is said and done.’
Keep me in your heart for a while.
Sha na na na na na na na la la li lo.
Keep me in your heart for a while.
Sha na na na na na na na la la li lo.
Keep me in your heart for a while.
As the song is playing Denise is at a computer surfing the internet. A page comes up with the title: RADICAL
CANCER TREATMENT SHOWS LIMITED PROMISE. Another one: MIRACLE CANCER CURE?
Beverly is out on the balcony smoking a cigar. Alan joins her.
Alan Shore: Good evening.
Beverly Bridge: Uh hmmm? A pause. You hate me too, don’t you?
Alan Shore: Bev, I don’t know you well enough to hate you or love you or be indifferent to you.
Beverly Bridge: Denny said you spoke your mind but, Geez Louise.
Alan Shore: I will say, the fact that everyone else at this firm does not have a favorable opinion of you is certainly a
point in your favor.
Paul and Denny meet in the corridor at Crane, Poole and Schmidt.
Denny Crane: Paul?
Paul Lewiston: Denny?
Denny Crane: He holds up a pair of tickets. Got a pair of Celtic tickets for tomorrow night. If you’re interested?
Paul Lewiston: He takes them. Thanks. Denny walks by. Denny?
Denny Crane: Yes?
Paul Lewiston: Well I’m just surprised after our argument?
Denny Crane: Argument?
Paul Lewiston: Denny, it was just yesterday.
Denny Crane: Paul I, I, would remember if we had a fight.
Paul Lewiston: We almost came to blows! How could you not…
Denny Crane: Paul?. Would you rather rehash all that? Or should we just pretend that I’ve forgotten? If you’ll forgive
me. I left Bev on simmer, she should be coming to a boil rather nicely now.
Denny joins Alan and Bev out on the balcony.
Denny Crane: Hey! My favorite girl. My favorite guy.
Beverly Bridge: She hands him her cigar. I warmed up your cigar for you.
Denny Crane: Well, it’s not the first time you’ve left my stogie in a smoker.
Alan Shore Yew!
Beverly Bridge: Well, I’m gonna let you two young men have your time. But I will see you later.
Denny Crane: Bev?
Beverly Bridge: Yeah?
Denny Crane: Do it once before you leave.
Beverly Bridge: Bev Crane.
Denny Crane: Oh! That’s my girl.
Beverly Bridge: Good night, Alan.
Alan Shore: Good evening, Bev.
Bev leaves.
Denny Crane: So? Do you like her yet? You promised.
Alan Shore: I did. And I do.
Denny Crane: Thought you would. She has many fine qualities.
Alan Shore: She makes my friend smile. That’s the only quality that matters.
Denny Crane: Alan? Bev is the woman I’ve always dreamed of. An angel in the bedroom and a whore in the kitchen.
Alan Shore: I think it’s the other way around.
Denny Crane: Not last night.
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